Micaiah ben Malachi and I started considering converting to Judaism back in 2000, but we didn't officially convert until 2005. From 2000 to 2005, we studied what it meant to be a Jew as well as the history of Jews. One of the inevitable topics was about the various Pogroms and the Holocaust. Not only did we discuss what happened and how some people survived to tell their stories, but we discussed what we would do if there ever was a Pogrom in our lifetime. Such discussions between us still continue to this day.
The various stories I have read and movies I have watched about people who were able to hide from the Nazis or escape their grip altogether never cease to amaze me. Yet, I cannot help but think about the many who didn't survive. Many of those who didn't survive the Pogroms and the Holocaust were poor, elderly, disabled or were turned into the authorities by their own fellow Jewish relations and friends. This is when I often start thinking, "Would we even survive? If so, how would we survive?" I have had nightmares of impending Pogroms in which Micaiah ben Malachi and I were commanded to leave our house immediately and rounded up among other Jews and/or people of color. Once we were all rounded up, we were divided up by gender and then into categories of those who were able to work and those who weren't able to work. Of course, I was terrified at the prospect of being separated from Micaiah ben Malachi. I don't know what else happened or would've happened in my dreams because I always awoke in terror. Micaiah ben Malachi and I are Jews of color, but we live in a town that is primarily White and Christian. If there is ever a Pogrom against people of color and/or Jews, we fear that we would be among the first in our town to be sent to the authorities. Taking this scenario into account, Micaiah ben Malachi and I started discussing what methods we could use to escape, if there were any. Figuring that we, more than likely, couldn't trust anybody to lead us to safety by vehicle or on foot, our only other way would be to escape at nighttime on foot on our own. However, we face two obstacles. Micaiah ben Malachi and I are disabled. He is a quadriplegic and uses a power wheelchair, and I am blind and have to use a cane to navigate. Since the batteries in his wheelchair would have to be recharged at some point during our trek of escape, we would have to stop at some place where he could plug his wheelchair in. Then, we would have to wait for six to eight hours before his chair was charged before we could continue. In that amount of time, someone could easily find us and either provide us safety or turn us into the authorities. We fear that whoever allowed us to plug his chair in would turn us into the authorities. How many times were Jews led to so-called safety only to be sent to their death within minutes or days? What happened in cases like that is that the people who reached out a helping hand made those Jews feel comfortable and less afraid. Once that goal was achieved, then the "charitable" person turned people in without the refugee's knowledge. So, our next question we posed to each other was, "What would you do?"
Speaking for myself, I couldn't continue my trek of escape without him. For one thing, I wouldn't know where to go. Even if I found bushes for me to hide in, I would be terrified of being alone. I also couldn't continue on traveling, knowing that Micaiah ben Malachi was still sitting on the roadside in his wheelchair for any passersby to see and turn into the authorities. His fate of death, whether by his own hands or by someone else's hands, would stay in my mind for the rest of my life. I couldn't continue living, knowing that he had died without me by his side. So, I would refuse to leave him even if he insisted that I do so. I couldn't do anything else but to resign to the fact that we could be found and killed. At least, though, we would've been discovered together by the roadside instead of separately.
Makedah bat Leah
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